


Pain

by Squoosestiel



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Suicide, This is probably really OOC, i do not apologize for the pain you may endure, i just want to apologize, i think i was trying to see how much my friends would let me do before they abandoned me, idk why i wrote this, so i really apologize for that, so i think they are very forgiving, they still havent left me yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 16:10:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11558751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squoosestiel/pseuds/Squoosestiel
Summary: Victor had seemed fine. The whole year they had been together he seemed completely alright. So when Victor collapsed while walking down the aisle at their wedding, it was a big shock to everyone.OrIn which Victor dies and Yuuri can't handle it





	1. Chapter 1

Victor had seemed fine. The whole year they had been together he seemed completely alright. So when Victor collapsed while walking down the aisle at their wedding, it was a big shock to everyone.   
Yuuri took a second to process what had just happened, but once he did he ran over to his fiancée's side. He screamed at someone to call an ambulance. There were tears streaming down his face as he looked at the man he loved looking so vulnerable, so... so lifeless.

About a day after he arrived at the hospital was when Yuuri got the news. Cancer. Incurable. Undetected or known about until now. Probably won't wake up. He thought he was going to be sick. The world started spinning.

Yuuri didn't leave his fiancé's side. The entire time he was in the hospital Yuuri was right there beside him, hoping he would wake up, hoping he would open his eyes. He wanted so desperately to look into those ocean blue eyes again. He was never able to. It was just as the doctor said. He never woke up. He died in the night about a week after he arrived. Yuuri had never felt as deep sadness as he felt that night.

He was awoken by the sound of a machine making a screeching sound, and it took a second for him to register that it was a heart monitor flat lining. Time stopped. Everything stopped. He's dead was the only thing that was running through his mind. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't see. He couldn't hear. He didn't register anything except that damn sound. That damn sound screeching in his ear and god it had to stop. He didn't remember when he started crying, or the nurses coming in and taking Victor out of the room, but a few minutes later, the haze cleared and he could see again and could hear. He saw a doctor, talking to him about what he wanted to do. But he couldn't speak. He couldn't. Because answering those questions means that he accepts that the man he loved was dead, and he couldn't. He couldn't accept this. He couldn't. So he stayed silent. He stared at the spot where Victor had once been, hot tears streaming down his face. He tried to say something, but only a sob escaped his lips. Eventually, the doctor realized that he needed space and left the room. Yuuri didn't even notice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to sincerely apologize for this chapter. Like I'm seriously sorry. The writing and grammar suck in this one damn.

Eventually, he had to leave the hospital. His mom came and helped him walk out. He walked slowly and leaned on his mother most of the time. He still couldn't talk.

He went straight to his room when he got home. Everything reminded him of Victor. Usually, he would go down to the skating rink to clear his head. But even the thought of Ice skating brought a new wave of fresh hot tears. He just buried his face in his pillow and tried not to cry.

There was a scratching sound at the door. Yuuri pushed himself off the bed and walked over to it, slowly opening the door. As soon as the door was opened he was knocked over by a mass of fur. Makkachin started licking his face, excited to see him after a week of neither Victor nor Yuuri being there. Eventually, Makkachin calmed down enough for Yuuri to get out from underneath of him. He stood up and ruffled the fur on his head. At least he had Makkachin. Yuuri got back into the bed and Makkachin jumped on after.

It was about six months later. Yuuri still hadn't fully recovered from the death of Victor. He didn't go anywhere near the skating rink, and he stopped eating pork cutlet bowls as much. Those two things reminded him too strongly of Victor, and he couldn't handle it. And then Makkachin. They had been running in the morning like they usually did, when, for some reason, Makkachin ran off. Maybe he smelled food. But one thing was for sure, the driver didn't stop in time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things:
> 
> 1) Warning, there is suicide in this chapter  
> 2) This is also probably super OOC for Yuuri but I was just feeling really angsty when writing this and also trying to piss off my friends so please forgive me

"Stupid! Get out of the damn bed! Do you think he would've wanted this for you!" Yurio yelled at Yuuri, trying not to let his voice crack.  
"What do you care?" Yuuri retorts, his voice slightly muffled by the pillow. That broke him. The tears started flowing down Yurio's cheeks.  
"BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO GO TO ANOTHER FUNERAL FOR SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT!"  
Yuuri stiffened upon hearing that. He didn't respond. Yurio continued.  
"I just don't want to have to see you in a casket cause you were to selfish to see that people still care about you . Just because Victor is dead doesn't give you the right to not take care of yourself. You stopped eating, you don't move out of that fucking bed. Do you think this is any easier for me?! Sure you might have been his fiancé but that doesn't give you an excuse to have everyone worried about you."  
"Why do you care?"  
"BECAUSE I MISS HIM TOO AND JUST BECAUSE YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN ENGAGED DOESNT MEAN THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARENT GRIEVING TOO! If I didn't care I wouldn't have flown all the way out here from St. Petersburg. I just dont want to see you dead." The last part was quieter. After not getting a response Yurio turned and walked out, trying to hold back the tears.  
"Fine. Do what you want. If you want to kill yourself go ahead. But I'm not going to your pity party of a funeral." He muttered to himself.

Yuuri's condition was worsening. He hadn't eaten anything substantial for over a month, and what he had eaten was so little in amount that it barely counted. H hadn't moved from his bed in even longer. His last reminder of Victor was gone, in a pet cemetery somewhere. He was sick and tired of everyone's pity. They didn't care. They were all over his death. How could they be over it? How could they be fine when everyday Yuuri felt like his lungs were full of rocks and his heart was made of lead? How could they go about their lives when Yuuri didn't even want to live. He would've ended it already but he never had any chance to, what with Yurio constantly nagging him.

It was about six weeks after Makkachin had died. He was so done, done with having to live without Victor, done with everyone's pity. He was weak and he didn't want to do this anymore and he just wanted to see him again. He hated himself for it, but sometimes he wished it was that bratty Russian kid instead. And he hated himself. Because if Victor dying had hurt him then Yurio dying would hurt somebody else just as much and no one can die without it hurting someone. But Yuuri didn't care. He couldn't stand to be alive anymore. If Victor was dead then he should be too. Everyone was asleep. So he pushed himself out of the bed and made his way to the bathroom and to the medicine cabinet. Locked. Of course it was. No one would leave a medicine cabinet unlocked with someone in his condition in the house. He walked down stairs to look for the key. He found it. He made his way back upstairs and unlocked the medicine cabinet before grabbing a bottle of something. He didn't pay attention to what it said in the label. But it was pretty full and that was all that mattered to him. He relocked the cabinet and went downstairs. I should write a note. He thought. So he made looked for a piece of paper and a pencil and started writing.  
I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep living like this. I know that there are people that care about me and that will be hurt by this but I can't do it anymore. I can't live without him. I tried but I can't. He is my world and he's gone and i can't do this anymore. I have to be with him. We were born to be together. We were born to make history. I'm sorry. I love you all. Goodbye.  
He put the pen down and grabbed a water bottle and filled it up, and then started on his way to the cemetery.

He sat down against Victor's gravestone and watched the sun come up.  
"I guess this is it huh? We can finally be together again" Yuuri said, before swallowing the whole bottle of pills and leaning back against the headstone, the corner of his lips turned upwards into a smile. It was the first time he smiled since that day.


End file.
